bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
