Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want her autograph on my taint
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
