Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Text me some of your sweat
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
