You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
zippers are such a cool invention
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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