No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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