Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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