apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
