Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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