Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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