yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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