awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
