So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize