i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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