I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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