Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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