I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
