I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
