Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
