It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
