I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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