The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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