Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just want nice things and good sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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