His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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