Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Are my feet made of real feet?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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