No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
