I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
