By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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