Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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