I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were trust falling into bushes
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
