how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
