I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
