im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
