Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
