I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
