I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
