And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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