I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
