Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
