I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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