i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
