she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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