In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize