I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
