Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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