Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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