why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
