went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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