You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
