You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
