Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We need to get me chipped asap
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He shit in the fireplace
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
