Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
