It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize