I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
