So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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