Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
