This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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