Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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