Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
