I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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