I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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