If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
