Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
