i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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