you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
